(Please note- I apologize If this post isn't as lively as our typical city takes, unfortunately it simply just wasn't that eventful)
Natalie and I had reserved 3 days at our "hostel" for magical Cinque Terre the beautiful cliff beach town on the Italian coast.
Following our fun in Florence, we felt a little wind down time should be in order (aka we were still hungover from Flo') and we were both hardcore craving some beach time (aka a tan and an excuse to sleep during the day).
The train ride from Florence to Cinque Terre was, in a word....terrifying. Each stop seemed to get worse and worse with abandoned train cars strewn about the tracks and little Tijuana look alike towns passing by. Natalie and I began to see flash images from the movie touristas and wondered if the train was heading straight to the organ harvesting shop or if they were going to wine and dine us first.
Additionally, it was pouring rain outside and some jackass had opened up our window so both Natalie and I were forced to wear our parkas to stop from getting drenched on our beach voyage. Eventually, using all the strength in our weary travelers bodies, we were able to life the window closed. (Though our grunting during the strenuous exercise clearly made the little French couple in front of us very uncomfortable as they soon moved to the next train car)
When our train landed in riomaggiore, it was fairly easy to navigate our way through the town considering there is legitimately only one road. Unfortunately, it was not specifically easy to use that road as it goes straight up like a stair stepper on full blast. Natalie and I made our way to our hostel check in station, huffing and puffing our way up the mountain and passing couple after couple until we finally came to the building marked 25.
Covered in sweat, we presented our passports and got the keys to our new digs which, we found out, was located about 600 steps farther up the mountain.
Our hostel host was quick to inform us that our room would have, "Everything! everything you could need or want!"
"Wifi?", we asked
"It does not have that"
When we finally arrived at our blissful no-wifi honeymoon suite, we were greeted by the owner of the home whose room we were renting.
"Ladies, is it not perfect? Is it not majestic?" (Said our host regarding the condition of his home which offered us no kitchen, no wifi, no-hot water, and an entire backyard covered in giant cactus that we would need to take care not to fall into after a heavy night of drinking)
"Yes", we replied.
As we collapsed onto the bed, Natalie looked deep into my eyes and said, "We are going to be bored out of our minds here aren't we?"
And we were...
Riomaggiore is a beautiful place, but for two young American ladies on the loose it was not the business. Within the first 3 hours, because it wasn't sunny so we couldn't beach it up, Natalie and I had already wandered up and down the single street of tourist shops and stores and gained 10 lbs a piece from stuffing our faces with subpar food and gelato out of sheer boredom.
Everywhere around us were couples celebrating engagements, entanglements, and marriage vows. Strangely enough - they all seemed bored to tears too. We saw a man chasing a straw around his drink while his fiancée stared off into the distance, couples feigning interest in flowers out of nothing else to take notice in, and all the shops produced food and tourist goods which were twice as expensive as in Florence and not nearly as good.
Natalie and I ended up wandering into the wine shop. We had made an executive decision that in our total boredom of unwittingly being on our honeymoon together, that we would just get piss drunk. We bought the largest bottle of wine they sold which looked to actually be about 3 bottles of wine in one and some penis pasta (which made the shop girl extremely uncomfortable).
As we took off up the 600 stair-climb to our room, we were stopped by two American girls who also seemed confused why they were on their honeymoon.
"Excuse me", said one of the two 23-something's, "Do either of you know what their is to DO around here?"
Natalie and I instantly started laughing and pointed to our laughable bottle of wine.
As we continued on our journey home, panting and cursing the day we were born, we ran into yet another group of young American women. These three adorable cuties were southern and equally confused, asking what there was to do.
Natalie and I stayed and chatted with our new friends and their delightful accents and decided that someday we would also like to have one.
Then we drank our wine (well about 1/4 of it) and wandered around the town singing "strangers in the night".
The next day we took the quick 10 minute train to Monterosso which is another town in Cinque Terre and undoubtedly has the best beaches (of course be forewarned, like everything in Cinque Terre, you have to pay for it and it cost us 21 euros for both of us to access the water)
While on the beach we were haggled incessantly by wandering vendors (i.e. the illegal immigrant Italian versions of those Mexican guys in white suits who wander the beaches in Cabo trying to sell you hammocks). One man brazenly even sat down on our beach chair with his armful of dresses even as Natalie and I vehemently declared "ni" and "no" in every language we had learned thus far. He then asked if I was "Americano" and from which state. When I answered California, he got a creepy grin and wandered away.
It was at that time that Natalie and I opted to head home as visions from touristas were floating around in our head again.
"I bet that guy's just trying to collect all 50 for his sex trafficking ring" said Natalie as she rubbed her hands together mimicking the creepy entrepreneur ... "California, perfect, that completes all 50!"
So after getting a nice tan, getting creeped out, almost going topless on the beach but deciding against it, and watching some poor Swedish girl turn into a legit lobster, we headed back to base camp Riomaggiore. We had planned on spending 3 nights there, but having already consumed enough underwhelming calories, we decided even though we'd already paid for 3 nights to skip out early and head back to Switzerland (Lucerne this time).
We crept out early in the morning so as not to need to explain ourselves to the host of our "perfect, magical" honeymoon suite.
So anyways here is my 2 cents on Cinque Terrre.
I'm sure CT can be a great place for lovers, but if you do go make sure you stay in Monterosso because if you stay in Riomaggiore or one of the other little Terre towns you may find you and your partner so bored that you begin to wonder if you are actually a good match. Bring your hiking shoes, besides the beach the only other thing to do is hike. Do not bring a suitcase (we ran into a group of American assholes who had giant suitcases with them and demanded a truck to take them up the hill - they waited 3 hours until they realized no truck was coming).
Not to be a total Debby downer because I'd heard so many great things about Cinque Terre before I got there, but (and I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this) I can honestly say I wasn't that impressed. Maybe it's the over stimulation from all our other destinations that made is seem so yawn-worthy, but I'm not so sure.
Yes it's absolutely gorgeous, but one can only stare at an ocean and a cliff for so long. It's also 90% full of American tourists (seriously just American) which for me at least, is not a big draw. Also, for me, it felt like a cabin-fever version of Santa Monica and Maui. All I could think is that if the zombie apocalypse happened, we'd be screwed. Lastly, one of the endearing things about Italy is that it's still one of the few places in Europe that is relatively affordable, but Cinque Terre because of it's isolated location and heavy tourist flow, is not.
I believe 5 years ago that Cinque Terre was probably a different place, a tiny secret Italian town full of charm. But unfortunately the secret is out and it now feels like more of a tourist trap than anything.
Natalie and I caught the first bus out in the morning and couldn't have been more thrilled to put an end to our (yawn) honeymoon and arrive in beautiful and heavily populated Lucerne, Switzerland.
Natalie and I had reserved 3 days at our "hostel" for magical Cinque Terre the beautiful cliff beach town on the Italian coast.
Following our fun in Florence, we felt a little wind down time should be in order (aka we were still hungover from Flo') and we were both hardcore craving some beach time (aka a tan and an excuse to sleep during the day).
The train ride from Florence to Cinque Terre was, in a word....terrifying. Each stop seemed to get worse and worse with abandoned train cars strewn about the tracks and little Tijuana look alike towns passing by. Natalie and I began to see flash images from the movie touristas and wondered if the train was heading straight to the organ harvesting shop or if they were going to wine and dine us first.
(The beautiful view from our train while en route to Cinque Terre)
Additionally, it was pouring rain outside and some jackass had opened up our window so both Natalie and I were forced to wear our parkas to stop from getting drenched on our beach voyage. Eventually, using all the strength in our weary travelers bodies, we were able to life the window closed. (Though our grunting during the strenuous exercise clearly made the little French couple in front of us very uncomfortable as they soon moved to the next train car)
(My desperate attempt to close the rain window)
Finally, we saw water and yes, it was just as beautiful as all the google images promise it will be.
(The romantic view from our honeymoon bungalow)
When our train landed in riomaggiore, it was fairly easy to navigate our way through the town considering there is legitimately only one road. Unfortunately, it was not specifically easy to use that road as it goes straight up like a stair stepper on full blast. Natalie and I made our way to our hostel check in station, huffing and puffing our way up the mountain and passing couple after couple until we finally came to the building marked 25.
Covered in sweat, we presented our passports and got the keys to our new digs which, we found out, was located about 600 steps farther up the mountain.
(Me, wishing I had done more stairs at 24 hour fitness to prepare me for this trip)
Our hostel host was quick to inform us that our room would have, "Everything! everything you could need or want!"
"Wifi?", we asked
"It does not have that"
When we finally arrived at our blissful no-wifi honeymoon suite, we were greeted by the owner of the home whose room we were renting.
"Ladies, is it not perfect? Is it not majestic?" (Said our host regarding the condition of his home which offered us no kitchen, no wifi, no-hot water, and an entire backyard covered in giant cactus that we would need to take care not to fall into after a heavy night of drinking)
"Yes", we replied.
As we collapsed onto the bed, Natalie looked deep into my eyes and said, "We are going to be bored out of our minds here aren't we?"
And we were...
Riomaggiore is a beautiful place, but for two young American ladies on the loose it was not the business. Within the first 3 hours, because it wasn't sunny so we couldn't beach it up, Natalie and I had already wandered up and down the single street of tourist shops and stores and gained 10 lbs a piece from stuffing our faces with subpar food and gelato out of sheer boredom.
(Us, stuffing our faces. Please note our outfits. We like to keep it sexy)
Natalie and I ended up wandering into the wine shop. We had made an executive decision that in our total boredom of unwittingly being on our honeymoon together, that we would just get piss drunk. We bought the largest bottle of wine they sold which looked to actually be about 3 bottles of wine in one and some penis pasta (which made the shop girl extremely uncomfortable).
(Our giant bottle of wine - the only exciting thing we could find in Cinque Terre)
As we took off up the 600 stair-climb to our room, we were stopped by two American girls who also seemed confused why they were on their honeymoon.
"Excuse me", said one of the two 23-something's, "Do either of you know what their is to DO around here?"
Natalie and I instantly started laughing and pointed to our laughable bottle of wine.
As we continued on our journey home, panting and cursing the day we were born, we ran into yet another group of young American women. These three adorable cuties were southern and equally confused, asking what there was to do.
Natalie and I stayed and chatted with our new friends and their delightful accents and decided that someday we would also like to have one.
Then we drank our wine (well about 1/4 of it) and wandered around the town singing "strangers in the night".
The next day we took the quick 10 minute train to Monterosso which is another town in Cinque Terre and undoubtedly has the best beaches (of course be forewarned, like everything in Cinque Terre, you have to pay for it and it cost us 21 euros for both of us to access the water)
(Honeymoon Shot - take 1)
While on the beach we were haggled incessantly by wandering vendors (i.e. the illegal immigrant Italian versions of those Mexican guys in white suits who wander the beaches in Cabo trying to sell you hammocks). One man brazenly even sat down on our beach chair with his armful of dresses even as Natalie and I vehemently declared "ni" and "no" in every language we had learned thus far. He then asked if I was "Americano" and from which state. When I answered California, he got a creepy grin and wandered away.
It was at that time that Natalie and I opted to head home as visions from touristas were floating around in our head again.
"I bet that guy's just trying to collect all 50 for his sex trafficking ring" said Natalie as she rubbed her hands together mimicking the creepy entrepreneur ... "California, perfect, that completes all 50!"
So after getting a nice tan, getting creeped out, almost going topless on the beach but deciding against it, and watching some poor Swedish girl turn into a legit lobster, we headed back to base camp Riomaggiore. We had planned on spending 3 nights there, but having already consumed enough underwhelming calories, we decided even though we'd already paid for 3 nights to skip out early and head back to Switzerland (Lucerne this time).
We crept out early in the morning so as not to need to explain ourselves to the host of our "perfect, magical" honeymoon suite.
So anyways here is my 2 cents on Cinque Terrre.
I'm sure CT can be a great place for lovers, but if you do go make sure you stay in Monterosso because if you stay in Riomaggiore or one of the other little Terre towns you may find you and your partner so bored that you begin to wonder if you are actually a good match. Bring your hiking shoes, besides the beach the only other thing to do is hike. Do not bring a suitcase (we ran into a group of American assholes who had giant suitcases with them and demanded a truck to take them up the hill - they waited 3 hours until they realized no truck was coming).
Not to be a total Debby downer because I'd heard so many great things about Cinque Terre before I got there, but (and I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this) I can honestly say I wasn't that impressed. Maybe it's the over stimulation from all our other destinations that made is seem so yawn-worthy, but I'm not so sure.
Yes it's absolutely gorgeous, but one can only stare at an ocean and a cliff for so long. It's also 90% full of American tourists (seriously just American) which for me at least, is not a big draw. Also, for me, it felt like a cabin-fever version of Santa Monica and Maui. All I could think is that if the zombie apocalypse happened, we'd be screwed. Lastly, one of the endearing things about Italy is that it's still one of the few places in Europe that is relatively affordable, but Cinque Terre because of it's isolated location and heavy tourist flow, is not.
I believe 5 years ago that Cinque Terre was probably a different place, a tiny secret Italian town full of charm. But unfortunately the secret is out and it now feels like more of a tourist trap than anything.
Natalie and I caught the first bus out in the morning and couldn't have been more thrilled to put an end to our (yawn) honeymoon and arrive in beautiful and heavily populated Lucerne, Switzerland.
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